I’ve been crying so many happy tears
EMOTIONS
I HAZ THEM
K so
I try to give off the impression that I am a rational and logical human being, but I am secretly a super sensitive emotional person! :o
I don’t do a very good job of hiding it, though, so that probably isn’t a surprise to any of you. And if it is, COME ON. I’m a composer for fuck’s sake.
Anyways, for the past two days I have been crying a bunch, but the good kind of crying! I’ve been feeling rather lost and purposeless since I moved back home, but that feeling is gone now, oh yes sirree it is!
First off, as I mentioned yesterday, I GOT A JOB! And not just any job, a job that actually relates to my major! And not just a job that relates to my major, but I job that I think I will love! I’m going to be a violin teacher. I get teach little kids how to play violin! I’m going to be a role model! I’m going to inflict my opinions on their impressionable little minds! Muhahahhaha!
Seriously though, I’m excited, because when I first started playing violin when I was 9 years old is how I fell in love with music. In middle school, when kids made fun of us for being in orchestra, our teacher would show us all these cool famous bands with violinists in them. I get to spread my love of music into the world via my future students!
Even cooler though, are two scoring projects I’ve been semi-offered lately, one a few weeks ago and one a few days ago. By semi-offered, I mean I’m going to do them unless something awful happens. Unfortunately, I can’t really talk about either of these projects yet. However, I CAN tell you that they are both big. Not big in terms of money (I doubt I’ll see a paycheck from either TBH) but big in terms of exposure and big in terms of who I’ll be working with. They’re the stepping stones I’ve been looking for between where I am now and maybe becoming a professional composer (or at least, I hope so! They’re definitely steps in the right direction). I was feeling down after Jelly Babies pretty much flopped, but now that I’ve accepted that hitRECord will do absolutely nothing for my career (except networking), I’ve been able to find opportunities elsewhere.
And the past few days, I’ve been so happy I can’t stand it. I cry because I feel so overwhelmingly grateful that I live in a world where such a wonderful career path as a film composer exists, and is even a possibility for me! Then I get emotional just because of the sole fact that beautiful music even exists, as cheesy as that may sound. Ugh, I’m just a giant puddle of mush! A cry at all the movies, cry at all the music, cry at all the feelings puddle of mush!
Oh also, these scoring opportunities have made me realize something. I don’t need grad school. I don’t need to put myself into piles of debt to do something I already know how to do. I was going to go mostly to make connections, but I seem to be doing that just fine on my own. Maybe later in my life, if my career comes to a standstill, I’ll consider it. But right now, I’m gaining a ton of momentum. Why on earth would I want to pause that?
AND a friend and I are seriously talking about getting an apartment in Chicago this coming fall. We both landed jobs, so it seems like this will actually happen. In a couple short months, I’ll be back in the city I love, living with one of my closest friends and living so close to so many other friends!
AND I’m ridiculously excited for Italy.
I don’t care that I still live with my parents and am superfuckingbroke. Right now, everything is going right. I just want to hug everyone. And I’m crying again. And I have so many feels. And I just want to keep gushing about how awesome my life is, but I’ll shut up, as I’m sure you’ve heard enough.
<3 <3 <3
