This hand is bad and you should feel bad.
See how my pinky is sticking out? My hand is completely relaxed and is doing that naturally. The outer half of my hand and wrist are also numb, and my pinky and ring finger are moving slowly and sluggishly.
This is what happens when I practice violin for an hour. It’s probably some kind of ulnar nerve thing. I’ve gone to doctors about it but they just kind of look at me funny and then ignore my pleas for help. It happens in both of my hands, but tonight it’s my left hand that’s bothering me since I just played a piece which requires a lot of fast left hand finger movement. From a combination of the way the violin is held and the fast movements of my fingers, my hand eventually is just like NOPE. My pink and ring finger stop being able to move as fast as I need them to, so I just have to stop playing. THIS IS DUMB.
Also, the idea of intelligent design is dumb because who the fuck would be like LOL LET’S MAKE THIS GIRL REAL MUSIC BUT GIVE HER FUCKED UP HANDS! no.
These symptoms started showing up my senior year of high school. Before senior year I was real good at tennis, believe it or not. Then that year all of a sudden I started dropping my racket all the time and not being able to hit the ball as hard. It got worse really quickly. Tennis my right wrist worse, while violin playing made my left wrist worse. yay!
My mom had the exact same symptoms when she was younger. I hope I don’t have her condition (basically, her ulnar nerve was positioned wrong and rubbing against the bone, which was slowly damaging the nerve) because she had to get surgery. But honesty, that’s probably what it is. So that sucks.
Anyways, my hands never really bother me except when I’m playing violin (I never play tennis anymore). But I have an audition tomorrow. And I’m scared that my left hand will go numb and I won’t play well.
I should probably stop complaining and find a doctor that will actually listen to me. I wonder where I can find one of those…
Until then, fingers crossed that my hand will be cooperative tomorrow.